It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
