I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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