john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
