Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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