Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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