omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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