I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
