i already hear my dad disowning me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
