we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
