This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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