She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
