You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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