I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
