i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love having hate sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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