My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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