You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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