I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
