Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
