none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Randomize
