i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
