i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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