it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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