Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
