Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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