What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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