zippers are such a cool invention
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
