allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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