Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
