Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
