she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
