I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
