So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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