just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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