you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
