How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
