so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
