I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
