New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
