somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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