He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize