its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
