He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
