I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
