u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
