summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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