Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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