My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
