I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
