my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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