Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
