I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize