remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
