I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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