Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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