just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
