I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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