I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My balls are so social today.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
