I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize