i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
