what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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