In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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