I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
