That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
