So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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