She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
