Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
