thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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