I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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