Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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