I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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